The Unconditional Path To A New Self

Wow, that title sounds like I should be writing a self-help book or should be asking for donations so that we can build a spaceship and ride a moonbeam to Vega...

The journey of the soul since its inception has been one of trials and joy, mostly trials, for that is the inherent nature of our lives. These trials are supposed to make us stronger and prepare us for the next one. Often times, it is not the case, and more often than not these days, as we do have a tendency to blame our failings on others. And by others, I do not necessarily mean other people (though they do top the list), but I also mean governments, institutions, and conditions. As it turns out, governments and institutions are comprised of people and they create conditions, so maybe I do mean other people. In any event, it seems that many of us cast blame upon these things, especially their conditions, whether real or not, treatable or not, or simply a good excuse and great party story. Now, I do not mean diminish or denigrate anyone with a condition that cannot be helped. What I mean is a general attitude of letting others take the fall for our own inability to struggle and prevail. Life is a mess, one filled with our mistakes and ones that others make for us and against us. Therefore, we have to understand this when we are on a path to understanding the self. We have to understand the inherent darkness and inherent light in us all.

For my part, I had been unable to for many years. I blamed my failings on my parents, my friends, my lovers, and conditions. I refused to look inward and cast any of the blame upon myself. Quite natural, I have noticed... at least in late 20th-early 21st century Western cultures. Some of it is politics. We see politicians cast blame and think we can do the same. We see corporations blame us for not spending enough money or for causing them to embezzle, so we blame them in return for economic reasons. We litigate, we harass, we hurt and we destroy. I embraced this way of thinking, and in doing so, hurt myself terribly as much as I hurt others. And that is one of the conundrums of this way of thinking. In the end, we hurt ourselves in hurting others. Unless, of course, you have no conscience. Only after I had done so much damage in my life and to others, did I even begin to comprehend what I was doing. And it took a long, long look into the darkest parts of my soul to see what I could do to change.

Even after climbing out of the abyss I found myself in, I wanted to use my condition as a crutch until I created a new path, an unconditional path to a new self, one that simplified the way I thought of myself and yet at the same time created (for me at least) a more complex but more rewarding view of the universe. This new path did not come easy, as few things do. I went on walkabout, literally and metaphorically, casting aside all I that I owed and knew and went for a walk. I kept walking until I could meet myself again and once that happened I understood. What I personally understood was only meant for me, but I did begin to understand what the universe at large meant and what I was doing to help myself and others... which was not much, really. Still, I did begin to understand that I could only blame myself for my past actions, my present condition, and my future. This has led to a most enlightening journey these past two years (almost 3 now) since I left Australia. Indeed, I did not really completely absorb the lessons of that journey until about a year later, when I started seeing my writings and journey as a whole, seeing my life as it should have been, as I want it to be. In life, in love, in friendship, the choice is now mine and mine completely, with no blame or guilt for others. I admit, I still think of the what might have beens and missed opportunities of life, but as one who love history, discussing what might have beens is only natural, and thinking of those things can help one learn for the future and continue to journey upon their chosen path.

For most of my life, I let conditions and burdens consume me and such trials altered where I should have gone and what I should have done. Regret? Of course. To say otherwise would be a lie, but one can move past such laments and regrets and say goodbye to a life that was made more of a burden than it should have been. My life is simpler now, one that does not need validation from others or a condition to define it, or to cast blame upon it.

Everything I have done has led to this moment... until the next one. It really does not get much simpler, or more complex, depending on your point of view :)

Have a safe weekend everyone.

C.