Golden Bay

I suppose, technically, I am referring to Wainui Bay, a place of indelible beauty and comfort (at least to me), north and west of the Abel Tasman Track on the South Island of New Zealand. It was one of those places where you could be wading in the ocean and yet see some peaks in the distance still covered in snow. The imagery in this place was quite staggering, as were many places, really, but I felt I could lose myself (and depending on the tides, trap myself) in the nooks, coves and small beaches of the area. Sometimes, I wonder if I still do... memory being what it is. So, what follows is a little stream of consciousness/blank verse about thoughts and such while walking across the bay and the area. I had written these thoughts down while in New Zealand but was finally able to put them in some cohesive format (um, at least for me I guess :)

'Golden Bay'

A drifting illusion on water
Amid such quiet calm
Waiting...
Beyond a distant twilight,
Lingering upon a gentle shore.

A passing thought in silence
Burdened by the tempestuous wind
Hoping...
Reaching toward your caress
Within the memory of simpler days.

Moments of serenity...
Lost to vanity and pride.

An image of a wistful dream
Borne in a sea of stars
Wishing...
To yield our tempered passion,
Hidden beneath the scars of night.

An illusion on water,
Carried by the wind.
Wanting...
Seeking some hope of resolution,
Upon the solace of your distant shore.

C.

Haikus...

I have never really attemped haikus before. I mean, I knew how to do them, but something never really clicked. However, I started thinking of some old work and wanted to see it in haiku format among other things. Funny, I was vaguely inspired by an old 'Calvin and Hobbes' strip where Calvin offers a haiku to a sleeping Hobbes... quite funny, if you are a fan of the classic comic. In any event...

'Fontevraud Abbey'

Crumbling ruins...
Whisper in silent repose
Duchess and King.

Ok, so one old piece... the following is new.

'Golden Bay'

Such quiet calm...
Comfort upon a distant shore
Warm... your caress.

C.

Erratic Errata From the Past Couple of Months...

I am not sure if I am going to make sense at all, but sometimes you just need to write and get it all out there, and I promised myself, if I did, then I would hold nothing back... some of this is simply an exercise in writing, a little is what has needed to be said for awhile, the rest is meandering nonsense... which, to be fair, is pretty normal for me.

This past weekend has been a blur, and while it is now Tuesday, my brain is still spinning from having to do so much for really so little a show.  Of course, being tragically understaffed except in my department was the critical factor, and without the help I had I might have been more insane. Lucky me, I only went half mad.  In truth, things at the show could have gone much worse, and many, many folks had an awesome time, more than did not.  Even the fine folks that worked for me had a fantastic time, but I am sure some of that has to be how easy I was to work for, lol (and the bribes in alcohol).  Still, I had moments of awesome mixed with a bit of stress, usually trying to fix things that were not thought about, or at least forgotten by others.  Silly me and my memory.  In truth, I sensed what would occur... knew it.  I have excellent instincts, though I rarely listen to them because I am too trusting of others, and often afraid of giving in to my instincts.  Just as well, because there were a few smart-asses I wanted to murder, sooo... instead I remained my usual restrained, congenial and courteous self, treating the staff, con-goers and guests with all the dignity and grace I could muster, which must have been a lot.  The thing is, as much as I may want to give in, I have to be the man I was meant to be lest I destroy the best part of myself.  I know in so many ways I am a product of another time and I constantly have to live with the consequences of the nature of my heart.  It served me well to a degree this past weekend and over the past couple of months while away.  And yes, I think about all the possibilities... all of them.  Sometimes, it feels as if I have stepped into one of my stories and live, if for a moment, an alternate life.  Other times, a memory steps in, takes hold, and leaves me breathless.  In the end, my nature forces me to alleviate the pressure the only way I know how: boring the crap out of my readers, lol.  

I do offer a caveat, some of what I am doing can be construed as whining/complaining, and if that is how you see it, certainly you are entitled to think in whatever manner seems essential to you.  I only put the words to page and let the world decide, for it must.  The rest is mere semantics.  I have written for the sake of others and for myself.  Now, I seem to only write for whatever is left in the depth of my heart.  It is hard to come back from such depths when you understand the truth in your soul, when you understand you cannot go back to a previous journey.  All you have is the one in front of you.  No magic time machines... no alternate realities (even if it might make good fiction), only dreams of a dream that fade in quiet of the night, the wolf nipping at your heels.  I felt it more and more throughout the last holiday and will feel it again as the current one approaches.  If you knew what I had known, perhaps you will understand.  The currents that flow from the edge of time through the truth of my soul cannot forget... nor should it.  Yes, it waits in places that I push away when the memory returns, or when I want to feel again.  And yet, it dominates my instincts I think, further showing how much of a fool I really am.  Of course, I understand completely the nature of my foolishness, so shame on me in that regard.  

I can only offer who I am to the burning heart of the cosmos... I can only offer my words to ease any suffering in the cradle of time.  I know the truth of what I see and can only give this.  For all the wandering across the sea, for all the travels and travails, this is what I understand.  I will give everything in this understanding of us all.  If it means I remain a bit out of place in time, if I must continue to treat people with the dignity I think they deserve (whether they actually deserve it or not), then so be it.  I would do so until the stars burns cold... 

As a species, we can be so much more than contained within Sagan's 'pale blue dot'... I suppose I can only do my part one life at a time.

C.

The Holiday Season...

It is possible I posted something about this before... maybe a couple of years back... anyway, prolly bears repeating :)

I have never been one to get into the 'spirit' of the Holidays. In general, I feel if a person is going to evoke the holiday 'spirit', then they should do so year round rather than be hypocritical for a month or so. I would like to think I am the same kind and generous person year round. Admittedly, I sort of have to, being in the anime convention business. One might argue being the type of person I am is not necessary, but I digress for personality does go a long way in garnering repeat business and happy customers. I have seen many a vendor and exhibitor treat their customers with disdain and disrespect and it invariably comes back to haunt them. I have seen vendors (even my employer) become too greedy and have watched it come crashing down when they least wanted to do so. Of course, I am not intimating I am beyond reproach, for sadly, I fall prey to our less decent instincts instead of heading the better angels of our natures, so to speak. Most of the time, though, I think I treat people and customers with a decency and civility that is often lost these days, except for perhaps one month out of the year. I also say this in regard to the United States, not necessarily my experience abroad, at least abroad recently. Perhaps the kindness, generosity and hospitality that was accorded me in New Zealand was atypical, but from what I have heard from other travelers and visitors (and the residents of the islands in general), my experience was fairly typical. That being so, I see how far we have fallen and may yet have to go. I can only attempt to return that kindness and hospitality in what I do, and while I have done so in the past, I see clearly how much further I must travel in that regard. This is well, for we all need to see such ends in whatever path is laid before us. Now, as Yulecon approaches, I am cast in a more unfamiliar role, handling the registration and convention sales booth and not our own vendors room booth. Still, I hope I can continue to evoke that same spirit I try and cultivate at every show I work as a vendor. It can be a struggle, but a smile and a kind word can go further than you might imagine. I saw this so often it became commonplace, so much so that I was surprised when I did not see it at home. At the last convention (Izumicon), I was even surprised at people's reactions when I offered my own kind words to others (while still remaining capitalistic :) Really, I should not have. Deep down, I know. We want to be made to feel special, if but for a moment, or perhaps a season. I simply want others to feel special any time of the year. In general, we probably deserve it, regardless of our sins. Again, to lead with the holiday spirit, this is probably a time to forgive all those sins anyways... even if we may not the remaining eleven months of the year. I suppose it is a start.

C.

Some thoughts and other thoughts...

Still dog-tired, so do forgive any of my sleep-deprived errors:

Sometimes you need to get some of this down in case you miss it, and then morning comes and you completely forget what you intended to write. So, this is what I use my blog for, a reminder of what I am supposed to be writing and or fomenting in my sometimes enigmatic and oft times demented mind :) I do have a lot to say and to write, some of which has been written already and just needs to be transcribed to electronic format. Much of it still waits to be written, in one format or another, in one project or another, though I will continue to use my blog as a test-bed of a sort for what I will be doing in the future. The past two months have taught me a lot about myself and others, about self-reliance, charity, decency, love, sadness, warmth, tenderness, worry... and the lack thereof. Maybe even more... Of course, conceptually, I knew these things, but to see them put into practice in so brief a time was humbling and challenging all at once. I spent time alone in the wilderness contemplating the thoughts of the universe itself, and would then be laid low in the grace of a simple smile. Finally, you stop wondering why a person was placed into your life, no matter how brief a time and however strange the situation... and you accept it. You become more grateful than you thought possible (unless you happen to be a sick bastard, and those people exist, sadly) and that is well...

I am still formulating many of my ideas, thoughts, chapters, essays, etc... and every time I think about what I want to do all I can do is smile at how blessed I have been. Even when I felt at my worst, someone would tell me 'hey, it's ok... it'll all work out'. Always... and you know what... it has, most times in the most unexpected of ways (here is where I thank the State department of all groups :) And that too is well...

So, more to come, more to write and more to say... after the jet lag settles.

C.

On the Way Back...

Just a quick update... finally headed back to the North Island, crossing tonight to Wellington, then a bus to Auckland and home on the 11th... a short, though long journey and some good adventuring... I will be writing much of it down once I can get to a computer I don't have to pay by the hour to use :) One nice perk of home...

C.

My Apologies...

I had been doing some writing but not really updating and therefore my apologies in this regard. Also, my Internet time has been limited and so I had to ignore blogging in favor of making sure I could get certain emails. Such is the way of things. Still, once I return home, I will do some updating and begin working on another writing project regarding my own travel experiences here in New Zealand and other roads I have traveled... whether forgiven or not (sorry, little joke regarding one of my poems :) In any event, I shall do more soon and try and add some of the pieces I have written in the past week or so as I can. Until then...

C.

Open Mic Night in Golden Bay

Well, thought I would have a quiet night waiting for the rain to clear before I moved on. Instead, I stumbled upon a pub that was having an open mic jam session, so with the help of some kind folks from the hostel, I did some readings from some of my newer works and from my second book. Thankfully, I had some background music to help out and make me feel a little less overwhelmed (it was actually a decent sized crowd for a very small town). In all, I think it turned out ok and helped a tough day end well. In any event, it had been a long time since I had done something like that, so... all was good.

C.

Upon Queenstown Hill

This particular poem was inspired by the starkness of the water and mountain views from atop Queenstown hill, about 2000 feet or so above the town... staggering really.

'Upon Queenstown Hill'

A singular instant of such a radiant dawn
Seeks to ease a tempestuous burden
Fraught by an unending, unyielding gulf
'Betwixt the realm of the heart and soul.

The majestic serenity of sweeping hills
Knows the fire kindling within
Held fast through this quiet struggle
Amid a glance from waters beyond icy blue.

Tomorrows fade upon a far green shore
Waiting as this world races the night
Dreams escape a hope of fragile memory
Under the breath of a forgotten lament.

C.

Midnight's End

Again, as I have mentioned before... sometimes there are poems you wish you did not have to write, though some of them can be a little hopeful. To a degree, this is one.

'Midnight's End'

Dream with me...

Though tides and time hold us at bay
Reach into the moment within,
Live in the moment without,
Feel my call beyond the breath of midnight's lost.

Speak with me...

E'enn if ten thousand leagues stand in our paths
Seek this gentle movement,
Trust this tender soul,
Listen to my heart enveloped in the warmth of dawn.

Wait for me...

Though I wander the currents of tide and time
Hope in this veil of twilight,
Yearn in this wonder revealed,
Wrapped within the memory of the night.

C.

In Queenstown

Wow, I'm surprised it has been a week since I updated, but it has been a strange one, especially wandering the streets of Christchurch and Dunedin, but after the strangeness there (I will have to put to page when I have better Internet access), I have journeyed to the mountain refuge of Queenstown and its wonderful environs... expensive, except for the beer, go figure. Think of Aspen but with a much, much younger crowd, lol. In any event, should be here for the weekend then off to further up the West Coast...

C.

Addendum...

Actually, as it turns out I am going to Christchurch instead of the Golden Bay region... costs me less to travel there than Nelson, so yay economics, and it gets me further south, which is my ultimate goal anyways...

C.

Wellington and the South Island...

After a series of mishaps, I have finally had a chance to get a post up that might not have been two sentences. After some money going missing, I had to bring my rental back to Auckland and then limp my way to Wellington, though I chose an interesting route: hitchiking, which is sort of a badge of honor in New Zealand... they don't care much for begging, but hitchiking is sort of an exception to the rule, soically acceptable begging if you will. I mean, if I walked up to someone on the street and asked for a few bucks to go to Wellington by bus, then I would get some disdainful looks. Instead, I stuck a thumb out and off I was. And my first experiences hitchiking were much better than Arthur Dent's (and I admit the planet was not getting blown up... yet), so I cannot complain at all.

So, I wound up in Wellington and tried to get re-sorted out, which I did, and enjoyed the hospitality of 'Windy Welly' and the unseasonably fine weather for two days, though today is turning a little sour. Not much I can do about that (though I have been accused of being something of a weather god, bringing sunshine to Wellington for 2 straight days :) and I will be disappointed if the views are obscured as I head to the South Island and points west and south, likely the Marbolough Sounds and the Golden Bay region. Of course, I could wind up elsewhere, but we will see. Regardless, should be an adventure, as if it had not been already...

'Til next time,
C.

In the Art Deco City...

Well, I have settled in to Napier for a couple of days, otherwise known as the Art Deco City because of it having to be rebuilt after an earthquake in the 30's. From what I saw last night, very nice, but hope to get some more sightseeing done today, then perhaps off tomorrow or here for another day. Have not decided yet, but that is one nice thing about all this. I really don't have to decide :) Hope everyone is having a great weekend and will have a great week.

C.

The Cape

I promised I would have something more substantial about my journey to Cape Reigna...

Sometimes there are poems you wish you never had to write. In the deepest part of my heart, I feel this is one of them. While necessary and a bit liberating, it still was tough, and I hope those that read this do understand. Regardless, I do think the piece puts some issues finally to rest, and given the light of recent events... it had to be done. Anyway, I hope I have done some justice to my heart and for the future in this regard. The rest, dear reader, is for you and the world to decide...

'The Cape'

Toward this end a world awaits,
Fading in vacant thoughts of quiet days.
Words dissolve in nascent twilight,
Within a heart that cannot stay.

From a tender hope a moment falls,
Into a realm devoid of waking dreams.
Longing drifts upon her silent tides,
Amidst a heart that might have been.

Her waters caress a distant end,
Beyond her shore this memory weeps.
Our words dissolve in fading twilight,
Beneath her shore this promise sleeps.

C.

The Cape and Bay of Islands

I should have some more later regarding my visit to Cape Reigna, truly a visit to the end of the world, at least that is how it felt... empty and wonderful all at once, and really a perfect day for it. Some other thoughts and ideas crept in regarding the Cape and I still have not sorted it out. Later in the day, I stopped in Paihia and the Bay of Islands and have settled there for a couple of days. Quite amazing natural scenery and a really quaint town(s), though I hear it becomes rather touristy in the summer. In any event, just a quick update before I head off to Russell, which is one of the older settlements in NZ, and has something of a history as a hard-drinking whaling town.

'Til next time,
C.

Thoughts and Ruminations...

As I promised... this time a little more philosophical... so take it as you will :)

Being in Auckland reminds me of some of my time in Sydney back in 2004, though with certainly a fresher perspective, if not somewhat jaded from the experiences of the past few months. I admit to some trepidation in that regard, and I do try and ignore what I can as I can. Every so often, I feel it, and while it may not be fair, it is terribly human. These same emotions that cause me to remember, to drift now and then (more then than now these days, but...) are the same that I use in opening myself to the words... the same heart that beats in tune with the what Dante wrote 'L'amor che muove il sole e l'atre stelle.' (The Love that moves the sun and other stars). To discard such love might be a fate worse than death... I can only be true to my words, to my instinct, right or wrong, good or ill.

I think I have found people on my journey to be receptive to most conversation, including my weekend in California, and I still am warmed by such good discourse, though it has only been but a week. In the end, we all want to be heard, whether the talk runs from the lastest sporting news to lists of things to do before you die or to the very nature of the cosmos. It matters to someone... to you, to me, to them. Maybe it matters to what we cannot see, or hear, but can feel at the edge of self... not quite hidden, waiting to be revealed. All it takes is a willingness to understand each other, to look with another set of eyes, listen with an open heart. Admittedly, I have touched on this before, but concepts like these often bear repeating. They are seminal in understanding each other... keys to a future worth sharing. Or... I could be full of shit. But then most philosophers do that, shovel their own brand of shitand hope it smells better than the rest. I guess, at least, I am a little realistic... but not too much. If I weren't idealistic, I doubt I would have left the States.

Now, I am about to embark on another stage of the journey, driving the countryside of New Zealand for a little while. I will see where the days take me... who knows what they will bring? Not I, and I am ok with that :)

C.

P.S. A little strange thought about the term hopeless romantic... which I am, and I have met a few in my life. I suspect the term must be a bit misleading. To be that type of romanitc implies more hope than the rest... it is inclusive of hope. Anyway, just an odd thought.

The Zoo, MOTAT and IMAX

I promise, I will be a little more philosophical soon... had some interesting thoughts on the bus, so...

Well, I must say the past two days have been fun and I know I have not done a lot of things most might do, but I am not most people... something all of my reader might be thankful for... or not : ) Seriously, it seems discounts have been dropping into my lap from the day of my arrival and kept on hitting me... which is good. First, I get one free night and moved to a private room for a couple of days at my hostel due to a minor error. Then, a fellow American buys me a beer because he found out I was a Cowboy fan (while watching the game). Today, I get my student discount at the zoo and MOTAT (the Museum of Transport and Technology) with my ancient student ID. At that cost, the zoo was barely worth it (while pretty, a little small, though they do well with what they have) though MOTAT was great, especially the aircraft restoration hangar... awesome. Later, I decide to see what is playing at the movies and get told IMAX is discounted because Dark Knight has been playing too long. End result, I pay about 5 dollars US (less than a matinee for a normal film at home) and the combo meals are half off too... so a large drink, popcorn and ice cream for about 5 dollars... not bad, plus Dark Knight is amazing in IMAX... trust me on this :)

Well, tomorrow off to the Domain and Auckland Museum I think... hope things continue their run and hope all of you are doing well while waiting with baited breath about updated to my adventures :) (or lack thereof, lol)

C.

In Auckland

Well, made here to Auckland safe and sound, though still a little tired and sore from the flight, even after some sleep. I did get to watch the Cowboys prevail at a local pub with some fellow Cowboy fans, so that was fun and relaxing, to say the least. Today, off to do some more sightseeing, and maybe an entry that might actually be more profound than me updating my status : ) Of course, I will do what I will, so to speak, and I am sure I will have an entry or two upcoming that is more than just me listing off what I did today, or the last couple of days... or something.

Anyway, take care all... another day awaits.

C.

In LA...

Well, visiting my sister this weekend before I leave. Actually, I leave tonight at 10:30 PST and get into Auckland at about 6:30 on the 16th (so about 12:30 pm CST on the 15th, for those of you at home :) I've had a wonderful visit, though I am most certainly ready to take my leave. Really, it has been a great way to start the trip and most auspicious, so nothing like a lot of good energy to take with me on a long voyage.

In any event, just a little update. Suffice to say, I am in good spirits regardless of everything, and am ready :)

C.