Cycles Of Dreams And Other Apocalyptic Ramblings

This could or could not be my last post for a little bit, only because of the vagaries of hotels and whether they have wireless internet or not. Still, I am leaving for Orlando and Megacon tomorrow night, and will be on the road until Wednesday, and dealing the convention the rest of the weekend, so my blog contact might be more minimal than usual. I will do what I can, of course :)

I wanted to get something in before I left for Megacon, and I felt I simply needed to write, especially after some of my early morning dreams and strangely ethereal day (if that is the proper word for it). I sort of felt in a haze, maybe it was the damp weather, maybe shaking the effects of a continual waking dream, never knowing if I was awake or asleep. Worse, the subject matter was not exactly standard: allowing the end of the world, or an end to the world happen because I could, or at least that is how it seemed. Every time I fell back into the mists of this abbreviated slumber, I felt like important questions were posed, ones that I had to answer to avoid whatever fate I created. I knew I should have cared, but maybe a part of me realized the dream, or maybe it was more a metaphor than anything else, as dreams of such things often are.

What troubled me most was the loss of connection I felt... my loss of connection to the universe as a whole, the loss of understanding I have at times reached, and as many times rejected. Still, I could always feel the connection, lingering in the background, the echo to my soul reverberating across the void of time, space and life. I did not have it in the dream, severed beyond all repair. For the last few years at least, I had this fail safe. Last night (or more apt, this morning), I did not. It is that time of year I must admit, though. I feel the regression all too much at times, the memories welling in the dark of the subconscious. I see them again in the void of dreams, and perhaps they were waiting, the metaphor of the world I was ending. Of course, I could be a little paranoid, and just be reading into more than the simplest of things: a dream and nothing more.
I hate the feeling, though, and I had to let some of it go in words, or what I do understand, am connected with, could be hampered. Indeed, the release of the words to the page (er, screen) has eased the burden somewhat, restored some of that connection... or perhaps it is just placebo for a psychohypochondriac :)

But you will be happy to know that most of my friends were spared when I obliterated the world in my version of the apocalypse... I suppose that would include some blog friends too :)

Well, I should get some sleep... I will try not to wipe out the planet, or galaxy, or universe in my dreams.

C.