I actually wrote this on the way down to Houston, since at a busy show (as this one has been) I rarely have time to write. Still, considering what has been going on during the week, and the fact I had been writing about my thoughts and path in this life, I wound up writing a little, and wrote something of a metaphorical piece for all the roads I have traveled and certain influences in my life... nothing specific though. Simply the people and places I have known and perhaps will know.
'Shores of a Midnight Sea and Other Ponderings...'
My love waits upon the shore of a midnight sea...
In such resplendent dreams I never knew.
She yields to moments unremembered,
A time, a place that would never be.
My love rests in the quiet of seaside towns
Lost amid the solace of shifting tides.
She embraces the distant, fragile winds
A heart, a life forgotten without a sound.
My love suffers all I have known,
Wandering the sterile wastes at world's end.
She forgives the roads I have traveled,
A fate, a man yearning for the calling of home.
My love waits upon the shore of a midnight sea...
C.
28 April 2007
26 April 2007
Change Of Pace
Thankfully, I leave for Houston in an hour or so. The change of pace back to an anime show will be nice and I get to catch up with a few friends I have not seen in a bit. Still, I do have about 3000 pounds worth of anime swords that should be waiting for me at our hotel to be transported to the convention center. Fun, fun, fun. But it will be nice to get away for the weekend and perhaps even make some money :)
Oh, I should have wireless internet where I will be staying, so I should be able to at least check in (not sure about updating) this weekend some. But if not, have a great weekend all.
C.
Oh, I should have wireless internet where I will be staying, so I should be able to at least check in (not sure about updating) this weekend some. But if not, have a great weekend all.
C.
25 April 2007
Reckoning The Path I Have Chosen
The funeral was today, and the service was typical of what some might expect for my part of the world. A lot of Bible verses and praying, a fine eulogy from my father (who was the eldest son), and some uplifting but sad music. It was no less or more than I expected...
When you see the world in ways the general populace does not, cannot, or will not see, you have a different view on the traditional end of things, and by traditional, I suppose I mean solemn occasions, or at least the ones we have made as such. As time drifted and listened to the words of the chaplain, my father, and others, I felt myself removed from the outpouring of sadness and emotion. Sure, I could be comforting, and was so, but I felt so distant, detached. And I am fairly close to most of my relatives, though some I had not seen in some time, but it was not like before, though this event was expected, not sudden and thrust upon me. I even felt more emotional when my grandfather died, even though I knew him far less than my grandmother. I suppose perhaps, like I mentioned in the prior post, I have accepted things as they are, and can perceive something of the unimagined that awaits.
As one who understands their path is to seek to understand, to learn why we are the universe made manifest, I know now why few try and understand such things and simply live their life without questioning. To step outside of mortality is to step outside of passion, joy, pain, and fear. In some ways, understanding makes one leave emotion behind. I have seen it in some philosophers and academics, and wonder if some of my passion, something I thought I really needed in my life, has been altered... become the desire for truth and knowledge. But where has love gone? Has it faded?
I stood dispassionately amid the sorrow and realised how lonely the path I have chosen truly must be.
C.
When you see the world in ways the general populace does not, cannot, or will not see, you have a different view on the traditional end of things, and by traditional, I suppose I mean solemn occasions, or at least the ones we have made as such. As time drifted and listened to the words of the chaplain, my father, and others, I felt myself removed from the outpouring of sadness and emotion. Sure, I could be comforting, and was so, but I felt so distant, detached. And I am fairly close to most of my relatives, though some I had not seen in some time, but it was not like before, though this event was expected, not sudden and thrust upon me. I even felt more emotional when my grandfather died, even though I knew him far less than my grandmother. I suppose perhaps, like I mentioned in the prior post, I have accepted things as they are, and can perceive something of the unimagined that awaits.
As one who understands their path is to seek to understand, to learn why we are the universe made manifest, I know now why few try and understand such things and simply live their life without questioning. To step outside of mortality is to step outside of passion, joy, pain, and fear. In some ways, understanding makes one leave emotion behind. I have seen it in some philosophers and academics, and wonder if some of my passion, something I thought I really needed in my life, has been altered... become the desire for truth and knowledge. But where has love gone? Has it faded?
I stood dispassionately amid the sorrow and realised how lonely the path I have chosen truly must be.
C.
23 April 2007
Illusion Of Mortality
On a personal note, my grandmother, after a terribly long struggle with clear-cell cancer (forgive me, but I forget the actual name of it) passed away yesterday. While, of course, I am sad at her passing, I cannot help but be relieved that she is no longer suffering, for she had basically wasted away to nothing in the end. If I am unable to get to everyone this week, I do apologise in advance, for dealing with the funeral plus having to go out of town later in the week will make it busier than normal. I suppose, in that, it is good.
While the events of the preceding day helped urge this post onward, I had been thinking about this for other reasons, especially with the reminders of mortality in my home, art and photographs mostly, but a pervasive sense of such things seem to creep around this place. Maybe even around me. I often wonder if the illusion is our mortality and what awaits is the real journey, not that this is insightful at all, since so many before me (and I am sure after as well) have their views on afterlives. My thought is the wonder if it is all the extension of the same life... no before, no after, just differing fragments of the same soul, and perhaps we are just not evolved enough or perceptive enough yet to discern or handle the actual reality. I think that some might be able to perceive a little of it, some of us (like me) can perhaps imagine it, or at least explain an imagining, and some are so connected they seek to get to that reality as quick as possible.
I think that mortality is comforting in a way, too. We know that whatever we have experienced here will end, at least in the way we conceive it. And for some that is simply the way it is and always will be. For some, they must have the darkness of hell or the wonder of heaven. Others are simply reborn, sleep, or fade into dust. Others move on and take the next step, maybe even a necessary step to a higher consciousness. So much in this universe is unexplained and unexplored. It would be a shame to waste the knowledge, the material on an illusion of finality. Now, this does not mean I am excited or looking forward to my transitional stage, for I know the heartache that would be left behind, but I am comfortable with the inevitable. I may not be able to understand all aspects of the journeys I have undertaken beyond anything but fragments of dreams of worlds forgotten, but I still have time (as we understand it) perhaps to seek to understand, as I have always tried to do, or have done :)
C.
While the events of the preceding day helped urge this post onward, I had been thinking about this for other reasons, especially with the reminders of mortality in my home, art and photographs mostly, but a pervasive sense of such things seem to creep around this place. Maybe even around me. I often wonder if the illusion is our mortality and what awaits is the real journey, not that this is insightful at all, since so many before me (and I am sure after as well) have their views on afterlives. My thought is the wonder if it is all the extension of the same life... no before, no after, just differing fragments of the same soul, and perhaps we are just not evolved enough or perceptive enough yet to discern or handle the actual reality. I think that some might be able to perceive a little of it, some of us (like me) can perhaps imagine it, or at least explain an imagining, and some are so connected they seek to get to that reality as quick as possible.
I think that mortality is comforting in a way, too. We know that whatever we have experienced here will end, at least in the way we conceive it. And for some that is simply the way it is and always will be. For some, they must have the darkness of hell or the wonder of heaven. Others are simply reborn, sleep, or fade into dust. Others move on and take the next step, maybe even a necessary step to a higher consciousness. So much in this universe is unexplained and unexplored. It would be a shame to waste the knowledge, the material on an illusion of finality. Now, this does not mean I am excited or looking forward to my transitional stage, for I know the heartache that would be left behind, but I am comfortable with the inevitable. I may not be able to understand all aspects of the journeys I have undertaken beyond anything but fragments of dreams of worlds forgotten, but I still have time (as we understand it) perhaps to seek to understand, as I have always tried to do, or have done :)
C.
19 April 2007
The Ever Popular Blame Game
I commented in the introduction to a poem once, 'We are all to blame for the world we have created' ('Kingdom of the Blind' for those that wish a reference). Of course, some are more to blame than others, since their job seems to be to deflect all responsibility toward others and not themselves. The worst offenders are, to my jaded eyes at least:
1) Hollywood: They manufacture 'entertainment' (some of it good) and raise otherwise troubled people (actors) to the level of small gods, and never accept responsibility for their conduct and perception they give off to the world. But they will buy you off if they can, especially if it is the crisis du jour or ribbon of the month.
2) Media: They create the news that is fit to print or report without clue or fact, instead reporting 'good facts' and making them sound like 'true facts' (Babylon 5 fans should get that reference :) Indeed, it is the modern world of parasitic journalism that skews perceptions so badly that one cannot even stomach watching, reading or listening to these modern courtiers begging for the leftover favors from kings.
3) Advertising Executives: What? They are only the messengers, proving to the world what really sells and what we really want to be sold. I mean, who wouldn't want a body spray that will cause dozens of hot women to assault you randomly on the street, in grocery stores, or secluded island locales? And they would still sell tobacco on the air if they could... heck, they would sell nukes for air time if it were legal. Me, I would rather have the nuke than body spray, but I am a war-mongering apocalyptic that way :)
4) People: We're idiots to consume all the hype we are fed, and we just love to watch it all fall apart. The average person would rather sit around and watch the latest celebrity scandal, 'Lost' (admittedly a good show at times), 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Desperate Housewives' (hmm, maybe ABC is to blame), 'Surviving Dancing With Surreal American Road Rage Real World White Rapper OC Idol'... and live coverage of people dying than face reality. Escapism, thou art our altar upon we prostrate ourselves... and I am as much to blame too. I would rather roll dice or write or game... anything but listen to the drone and buzz of what we have created.
Needless to say, some of this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but far too much of it is sad and true. Call it a little of both and take it as what you will, and perhaps a preview of things to come (a very, very distilled version of some essays/writing for the future).
C.
btw, I failed purposely to include governments... I didn't want to be too obvious :)
1) Hollywood: They manufacture 'entertainment' (some of it good) and raise otherwise troubled people (actors) to the level of small gods, and never accept responsibility for their conduct and perception they give off to the world. But they will buy you off if they can, especially if it is the crisis du jour or ribbon of the month.
2) Media: They create the news that is fit to print or report without clue or fact, instead reporting 'good facts' and making them sound like 'true facts' (Babylon 5 fans should get that reference :) Indeed, it is the modern world of parasitic journalism that skews perceptions so badly that one cannot even stomach watching, reading or listening to these modern courtiers begging for the leftover favors from kings.
3) Advertising Executives: What? They are only the messengers, proving to the world what really sells and what we really want to be sold. I mean, who wouldn't want a body spray that will cause dozens of hot women to assault you randomly on the street, in grocery stores, or secluded island locales? And they would still sell tobacco on the air if they could... heck, they would sell nukes for air time if it were legal. Me, I would rather have the nuke than body spray, but I am a war-mongering apocalyptic that way :)
4) People: We're idiots to consume all the hype we are fed, and we just love to watch it all fall apart. The average person would rather sit around and watch the latest celebrity scandal, 'Lost' (admittedly a good show at times), 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Desperate Housewives' (hmm, maybe ABC is to blame), 'Surviving Dancing With Surreal American Road Rage Real World White Rapper OC Idol'... and live coverage of people dying than face reality. Escapism, thou art our altar upon we prostrate ourselves... and I am as much to blame too. I would rather roll dice or write or game... anything but listen to the drone and buzz of what we have created.
Needless to say, some of this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but far too much of it is sad and true. Call it a little of both and take it as what you will, and perhaps a preview of things to come (a very, very distilled version of some essays/writing for the future).
C.
btw, I failed purposely to include governments... I didn't want to be too obvious :)
17 April 2007
Writing... Just Not Blogging
I know it has been a few days and I have been bad about checking on many of the blogs I frequent, and for that I do apologise (I should have some time later this week, though, since I am actually not going to be in Boston this weekend due to schedule changes). I have been writing a lot, finishing up a conversion and gaming materials for a D20 version of Robotech (a very cool 80's anime series for those that do not know), and while it is a simple home-brew version, I have taken great care to get the flavor and flow of the series, so that has been time consuming, though fun, especially when the playtest worked out pretty well, enough that I will make it a regular game. Also on the writing front, I have been working on a book/commentary idea, mostly in the formative stages, but I have written the introduction and much of the material in the book will be gleaned from many of my posts and essays, though expanded upon as I can. I really cannot say much more until I do the writing and the work will evolve as they often do. Suffice to say it will cover a spectrum of ideas and ideals, but my whole goal is to offer a path to understanding and solutions, whether far-fetched or not, but solutions nonetheless. We (people as a whole) complain about what is wrong so much and expect change from without, when it must start from within. This is what I intend to explore as best I can. I will be sure to let you all know how things go and perhaps post some excerpts as well. Anyway, that is the plan :)
Again, I hope to catch up more later this week and make my regular visits as I can.
C.
Again, I hope to catch up more later this week and make my regular visits as I can.
C.
12 April 2007
Near-Victory For The Weather Gods Of The West
Well, I am finally back from the long haul of the Seattle trip, though some of us will be turning around and heading to Boston next week for a similar experience, and I do not know if I will be headed that way yet; however, I promised some highlights (and lowlights) of the Sakura-Con/Seattle experience and so I offer them to you, dear readers :)
Five Interesting/Strange/ and Otherwise Odd Things From The Journey to and from the Pacific Northwest:
(man, some long titles today)
1) The Weather Gods doing their level best to annihilate me and Dave with the a variety of plagues: In order: hail (on the way out), snow and sleet (Cascades), sand/dust storms (Central Washington/Eastern Oregon), snow storms/heavy blowing and drifting snow (Wyoming, the whole darn state), driving rain/thunderstorms (Kansas and Oklahoma), funnel cloud (Oklahoma), and Rainbow Death Beams (some of the most vibrant rainbows I have ever seen, looked like some sort of rainbow colored death ray, seriously).
2) Watching the failure of Testosterone at a local Mexican restaurant (Mama's I think the name was): Normally attractive women talk to my co-worker/friend Dave and this restaurant was filled with them, truly, but for some reason they all directed attention toward me and ignored him (this is not the norm, especially at the shows, he does get the lion's share of the attention, but such is the way of things). Then I noticed why... the place was filled with an intellectual vibe (or at least in the decoration of the place and the dress of the servers, so it only means so much I guess :) that was not lost on me. But the guacamole was very good, and I do know guacamole at least.
3) Link Master Shields (Zelda) are awesome and attract tons of attention (and sales :) Sometimes, you just get the right product. In our case, some nice shields and wooden swords that left our hand and went to the consumer in what seemed like seconds. We had 11 cases of swords shipped to us (about 250 total I guess) and sold every one... not what normally happens at an anime show.
4) Listening to 'Achilles: The Ecstasy and Agony in Eight Parts' by Manowar: I had never heard this song before until Dave played this quasi-speed metal band. Awesome, and totally appropriate. I am surprised more gamers are not Manowar fans, though they are late 80's, early 90's fare.
5) The 12 Egg Omelette at the Hurricane Cafe: Holy crap, that's a lot of omelette. And they cooked the bacon just right. Plus, we payed in the most unusual (or annoying depending on your point of view) way: 25 dollars in quarters and 5 dollars in half-dollars (someone paid for an item in 16 half dollars on Saturday).
Just another unique adventure to add to our annals of convention travels :) I will try and update some more this weekend and get back to some of my blog friends I have been missing. I still have a few things to take care of, and still a little worn from the trip (blast you, Wyoming :)
C.
Five Interesting/Strange/ and Otherwise Odd Things From The Journey to and from the Pacific Northwest:
(man, some long titles today)
1) The Weather Gods doing their level best to annihilate me and Dave with the a variety of plagues: In order: hail (on the way out), snow and sleet (Cascades), sand/dust storms (Central Washington/Eastern Oregon), snow storms/heavy blowing and drifting snow (Wyoming, the whole darn state), driving rain/thunderstorms (Kansas and Oklahoma), funnel cloud (Oklahoma), and Rainbow Death Beams (some of the most vibrant rainbows I have ever seen, looked like some sort of rainbow colored death ray, seriously).
2) Watching the failure of Testosterone at a local Mexican restaurant (Mama's I think the name was): Normally attractive women talk to my co-worker/friend Dave and this restaurant was filled with them, truly, but for some reason they all directed attention toward me and ignored him (this is not the norm, especially at the shows, he does get the lion's share of the attention, but such is the way of things). Then I noticed why... the place was filled with an intellectual vibe (or at least in the decoration of the place and the dress of the servers, so it only means so much I guess :) that was not lost on me. But the guacamole was very good, and I do know guacamole at least.
3) Link Master Shields (Zelda) are awesome and attract tons of attention (and sales :) Sometimes, you just get the right product. In our case, some nice shields and wooden swords that left our hand and went to the consumer in what seemed like seconds. We had 11 cases of swords shipped to us (about 250 total I guess) and sold every one... not what normally happens at an anime show.
4) Listening to 'Achilles: The Ecstasy and Agony in Eight Parts' by Manowar: I had never heard this song before until Dave played this quasi-speed metal band. Awesome, and totally appropriate. I am surprised more gamers are not Manowar fans, though they are late 80's, early 90's fare.
5) The 12 Egg Omelette at the Hurricane Cafe: Holy crap, that's a lot of omelette. And they cooked the bacon just right. Plus, we payed in the most unusual (or annoying depending on your point of view) way: 25 dollars in quarters and 5 dollars in half-dollars (someone paid for an item in 16 half dollars on Saturday).
Just another unique adventure to add to our annals of convention travels :) I will try and update some more this weekend and get back to some of my blog friends I have been missing. I still have a few things to take care of, and still a little worn from the trip (blast you, Wyoming :)
C.
09 April 2007
The Way Back... Again
I might have used this for a blog title, at least the first part of it, before (hence the again), so this way I do not feel to repetitive. I will have some more substantial and interesting information when I get back, but this is just a little update letting everyone know a) I was not able to get anything up for Poetry Thursday even though I wanted to (I was soooo tired all weekend) and b) all went well this weekend and I am about to be on the road for a 34 hour drive back (includes the time change, gaining 2 hours to get to CST again :)
I will be sure to post some interesting tidbits about my Seattle/Sakura-Con experience on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning... 'till then, have a great next couple of days and I suppose you can expect me when you see me... er, hear from me.
C.
I will be sure to post some interesting tidbits about my Seattle/Sakura-Con experience on Tuesday night/Wednesday morning... 'till then, have a great next couple of days and I suppose you can expect me when you see me... er, hear from me.
C.
03 April 2007
Emulating My Blog Title
Well, I am to soon be off, driving a long road (walking would be a little counter-productive) to Seattle, some 32 hours (give or take) away, about the longest drive in the US from Dallas (I am not sure if Dallas to the Maine-Canada border is longer, but perhaps close). So, my apologies in advance for not being in contact for about a week, though if I can find internet access I will be sure to check in and the like :)
Everyone take care, have a great week and a Happy Easter to those who celebrate it, or at least celebrate the break :)
C.
Everyone take care, have a great week and a Happy Easter to those who celebrate it, or at least celebrate the break :)
C.
01 April 2007
Pastimes
I see great things in baseball. It's our game - the American game. It will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us. ~Walt Whitman
When I look at the word 'pastime', it has an echo to me. It is a word that makes me remember time and place that has never existed for me, hazy days of youth that millions experienced, but not me really. Still, as one who embraces the past as much as the present (or as much of the present I can stomach and hope the future is not as revolting :) I see myself where I ought to be in those memories. Perhaps I have watched 'Field of Dreams' too many times, maybe I have gone to far too many batting practices on a lazy summer day just to hear the crack of the bat, and almost making the game itself a denouement.
In our ever insanely fast paced lives, it is nice to be able to slow down and breathe a little of life in, see it for what it should be. I certainly do not mind a fast pace of course, but the thrill of wasting a summer or spring evening listening to the sounds of the game, enjoying the camaraderie of strangers I always knew, for the ballpark makes all equals, and perhaps equally young in it eyes. While I do not have a Wrigley Field or Fenway Park, nor even a Polo Grounds, the game is still played more or less the same way, we all sing during the seventh inning stretch, and sometimes, we all reach into that collective memory, live in the world of the pastime, and for a few moments forget the frenzy and pace of our modern lives.
Of course, one never really thinks of these things while at the ballpark, but I suspect that is the point. And baseball does not necessarily have to be your pastime, but whatever the endeavour, I hope it brings you the same thrill I get every time I walk into the ballpark with the hop in my step as if I were eternally ten.
C.
When I look at the word 'pastime', it has an echo to me. It is a word that makes me remember time and place that has never existed for me, hazy days of youth that millions experienced, but not me really. Still, as one who embraces the past as much as the present (or as much of the present I can stomach and hope the future is not as revolting :) I see myself where I ought to be in those memories. Perhaps I have watched 'Field of Dreams' too many times, maybe I have gone to far too many batting practices on a lazy summer day just to hear the crack of the bat, and almost making the game itself a denouement.
In our ever insanely fast paced lives, it is nice to be able to slow down and breathe a little of life in, see it for what it should be. I certainly do not mind a fast pace of course, but the thrill of wasting a summer or spring evening listening to the sounds of the game, enjoying the camaraderie of strangers I always knew, for the ballpark makes all equals, and perhaps equally young in it eyes. While I do not have a Wrigley Field or Fenway Park, nor even a Polo Grounds, the game is still played more or less the same way, we all sing during the seventh inning stretch, and sometimes, we all reach into that collective memory, live in the world of the pastime, and for a few moments forget the frenzy and pace of our modern lives.
Of course, one never really thinks of these things while at the ballpark, but I suspect that is the point. And baseball does not necessarily have to be your pastime, but whatever the endeavour, I hope it brings you the same thrill I get every time I walk into the ballpark with the hop in my step as if I were eternally ten.
C.
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