The Quiet of the Night...

Just back from Metrocon and so tired I can't sleep... typical. I have a little break before Otakon and AnimeIowa, but the coming month will be... hard. I think I started mulling it over some tonight, hence the current entry, though it is more philosophical and just me trying to write, but... take it as you will :)

In the stillness of the early morning hours, the true quiet of the night, it all comes back to you. It strikes deep within the soul and churns, those moments lost, those thoughts you never wanted to have... you can find yourself drifting into a world forgotten, one of aches and sorrow. You see all the little mistakes you made in one day, one week, one... life and they strike at you... haunt you until it fulminates into overwhelming grief. Those little mistakes... so many or so few, but enough to outweigh so much good, for in the dark, we are those mistakes incarnate. We are also the good incarnate as well. The night grants us respite in its solace as much as it offers us genuine pain. The night cannot be blamed for our sins, no matter how much we are haunted by it. Our sins are our own, perfect in all the ways we can conceive them, for our sins might, to some, be perfect... it all depends on perspective. And perception can truly turn the key in the deep of dark within the night.

For my part, the ache draws ever closer even as I look to home... caught in the subtleties of the dark, the crossroads of my own pathways. I cannot hide from the truth in the night.... I can only face what has been wrought and... decide. In the end, I have decided, not for the sake of others (though it still bears heavily upon the burden of my heart), but because I am a decent man who deserves better than what I have been forced to accept in the quiet of the night.

Such matters, of course, fade before dawn... and the choices start anew. At least that is what we tell ourselves when we hide from the dark.

C.