Introspection

'How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep.' -- Frodo, Return of the King

In many ways, sometimes you just need to write, especially when you have not really written in awhile, or written in a way you used to do. On some levels, I think I forgot how to do this, how to sit down and let the words pour out, let the passion overtake me, and put the fear aside. Somehow, I let that part of me rest for a time, and it was a good rest for its part. Still, nothing motivates a writer when you reach such a point, where understanding, loss and the gulf it creates collides. One year ago, poetically at least, I gave away the best part of myself for all the right reasons, the best reasons. I would have been fine with that and to an extent, the best part of myself still resides with the one who waits on the shores of a midnight sea.

I suppose the problem is that everything is too raw, so exposed and the chasm might just be too deep within my heart, at least for now. Yet, I have to let some of this go and put it to page. My thoughts and dreams of hopes of love would wander and consume me. Hell, they may still, but as a writer, this is the easiest and cheapest form of therapy. Regardless, therapy is something I never wanted, these are words I hate with more fury than all can be mustered. This is a moment I dread, sitting and writing into the ether in the hopes my words will not be forgotten. To be true, they must, for they are only words and my words, while at time entertaining, thought-provoking and even romantic, were never hardly earth-shattering. Indeed, I ramble too much, wax tangential, and over explain the obvious even to those who get it. The lecturer in me I suppose.

Now, I sit and wonder... contemplating my path, knowing the sad truth of it all yet hoping that the hurts do not go too deep, and that time can mend this gulf, this hurt.

I leave with words I always hope to hear:

'Tye Selma Ullume Nonin Mar.' (if you can read Elvish, then you understand :)

C.