Excerpts From A (now) Uncluttered Mind...

Well, Mom has come through her surgery ok, and appears to be doing quite well, though I think she over did it today.  Still, she should be fine unless somehting unforseen comes up...

It has been a fairly long week, though not as tough as some, but mostly dealing with helping my Mom out while she has been out for surgery.  That was mostly from worry, because I am happy to help family out when they need me... story of my life, to be fair.  Regardless, one gets random thoughts about all the strangeness in this life and it starts to clutter up the noggin some. So, I figured, in lieu of being particularly poignant and/or obtuse (which, regrettably, can happen simultaneously... what's the point of being poignant when no one gets the point... *sigh*), I thought I would clean out some of the mental debris that has been accumulating during this week.  Also, I have a couple of writing projects I have been alternately stalling and starting on (these things happen), and the mere exercise of doing this helps now and then... 

So, some random thoughts but not necessarily random in purpose...

So, am I going to see some of that 170 million spent on the 'national celebration'?  If not, why wasn't I invited? (and it's not a question of whether I would go or not, it's the principle of the thing :)

Though it's rather cold, ice cream sounds good at the moment.

Since the new president is freezing White House staffer's salaries of over 100,000, does that mean he is taking the job pro bono(since his salary is around a quarter of a million a year)? And what if you were making 98,000... do you get the shaft, or would you be one of those real troopers and take the hit for the good of the nation?

I think Congress should follow the White House's lead... most of them don't need the money either.  If they all did it, in a couple of years we could just pay off the inauguration :)

Why is it ok to take back all the wonderful things we say in love, but it is never possible to take back some of the horrible things we might say in anger... I might argue the sting from the words in love can be worse.  How arrogant we are in the passion of love. (note: guilty as charged, and if you think you are not... then you have never been in love)

We are all responsible for the mess we have created... I wonder if the stain on our souls can ever be cleansed.

I really hope the Steelers don't get a 6th Super Bowl ring... Steelers fans are bad enough... yes, I know, so are Cowboys fans, but I am not one of those Cowboys fans.

I need to be back on a beach...

(Am I the only person that thinks in parantheticals?)

Strange, I really know what it is like to be a pebble trying to stop an avalanche... worse, when you see it so clearly, and you know what is going to happen and have no way of stopping it... feeling powerless against the tide of history is a relatively normal occurrence for me.

The saying goes, 'you are only as old as you feel'... today, I don't know how old, or young I feel... but, I was always old, sooo...

Hmmm.... still a little cluttered, but less so than this morning.  It's a start...

C.

The Book Page and Newer Blog

Just wanted to let anyone know that still pops by I am still writing at another blog and the following link also is the storefront for my new book, a compilation of commentaries and poems that I had written for me... and others.

Anyway, the link: http://stores.lulu.com/powellpublishing

C.

Not So Abandoned

I think I might be able to start updating some more soon, though I do leave for practically 2 weeks on Tuesday for AnimeExpo and Metrocon, sooo if I get the chance and I am not too tired. A lot of the game writing I was doing has finished up to some degree, though I have some other projects to do as well. Still, I have not forgotten about the blog... much :) though I fear I have forgotten too many of my former readers, and for that you do have my sincerest apologies. I will try and do what I can to make it up to y'all in the future and visit like I should have.

But, like I've said before, just expect me when you see me, prolly easier that way :)

C.

To The New, and Possibly Confused, Reader...

Though I have taken a bit of a leave of blog absence, I would like to take the time to welcome any new readers, since this is mostly an archival site of previous works and thoughts (but with some recent work as well, as is usually noted). I figured I would add this little addendum since I have been giving out this website address in some forums and in person.

As for the rest, A-kon just finished up and I am beat, physically and well, physically. Wound up spraining my knee a little when I decided to walk into a trailer hitch while unloading some product, but overall the con was great success.. High Five :) I am doing some writing for a LARP again (actually a new incarnation of one I wrote for before) and it is taking up a good amount of time, plus I have the summer con season to look forward to.

In any event, to any new readers, welcome and feel free to dig through the archives... for everyone else, I will do what I can when I can as things and time progress.

C.

All Good Things...

Thank goodness for episode titles to 'Star Trek' and the like :)

Seriously, since the convention season is starting to kick up, and I am involved in several new writing projects, I am taking a bit of a hiatus. My original intent with this blog was to save some information from being destroyed and I have accomplished the mission. Of course, I have been able to add some new material and that has been grand, and will do so when I can, but for the foreseeable future I am not going to be adding much. Again, not that I have added much lately anyways, but I wanted to let everyone know what was going on with me. So, I am still writing, just not in a format conducive to blogs, but I still encourage rummaging through the archives and such, since it is still some of the best part of me :)

Take care, and I guess y'all can expect me when you see me.

C.

The Ever Popular Blame Game

I commented in the introduction to a poem once, 'We are all to blame for the world we have created' ('Kingdom of the Blind' for those that wish a reference). Of course, some are more to blame than others, since their job seems to be to deflect all responsibility toward others and not themselves. The worst offenders are, to my jaded eyes at least:

1) Hollywood: They manufacture 'entertainment' (some of it good) and raise otherwise troubled people (actors) to the level of small gods, and never accept responsibility for their conduct and perception they give off to the world. But they will buy you off if they can, especially if it is the crisis du jour or ribbon of the month.

2) Media: They create the news that is fit to print or report without clue or fact, instead reporting 'good facts' and making them sound like 'true facts' (Babylon 5 fans should get that reference :) Indeed, it is the modern world of parasitic journalism that skews perceptions so badly that one cannot even stomach watching, reading or listening to these modern courtiers begging for the leftover favors from kings.

3) Advertising Executives: What? They are only the messengers, proving to the world what really sells and what we really want to be sold. I mean, who wouldn't want a body spray that will cause dozens of hot women to assault you randomly on the street, in grocery stores, or secluded island locales? And they would still sell tobacco on the air if they could... heck, they would sell nukes for air time if it were legal. Me, I would rather have the nuke than body spray, but I am a war-mongering apocalyptic that way :)

4) People: We're idiots to consume all the hype we are fed, and we just love to watch it all fall apart. The average person would rather sit around and watch the latest celebrity scandal, 'Lost' (admittedly a good show at times), 'Grey's Anatomy', 'Desperate Housewives' (hmm, maybe ABC is to blame), 'Surviving Dancing With Surreal American Road Rage Real World White Rapper OC Idol'... and live coverage of people dying than face reality. Escapism, thou art our altar upon we prostrate ourselves... and I am as much to blame too. I would rather roll dice or write or game... anything but listen to the drone and buzz of what we have created.

Needless to say, some of this was meant to be tongue-in-cheek, but far too much of it is sad and true. Call it a little of both and take it as what you will, and perhaps a preview of things to come (a very, very distilled version of some essays/writing for the future).

C.

btw, I failed purposely to include governments... I didn't want to be too obvious :)

Writing... Just Not Blogging

I know it has been a few days and I have been bad about checking on many of the blogs I frequent, and for that I do apologise (I should have some time later this week, though, since I am actually not going to be in Boston this weekend due to schedule changes). I have been writing a lot, finishing up a conversion and gaming materials for a D20 version of Robotech (a very cool 80's anime series for those that do not know), and while it is a simple home-brew version, I have taken great care to get the flavor and flow of the series, so that has been time consuming, though fun, especially when the playtest worked out pretty well, enough that I will make it a regular game. Also on the writing front, I have been working on a book/commentary idea, mostly in the formative stages, but I have written the introduction and much of the material in the book will be gleaned from many of my posts and essays, though expanded upon as I can. I really cannot say much more until I do the writing and the work will evolve as they often do. Suffice to say it will cover a spectrum of ideas and ideals, but my whole goal is to offer a path to understanding and solutions, whether far-fetched or not, but solutions nonetheless. We (people as a whole) complain about what is wrong so much and expect change from without, when it must start from within. This is what I intend to explore as best I can. I will be sure to let you all know how things go and perhaps post some excerpts as well. Anyway, that is the plan :)

Again, I hope to catch up more later this week and make my regular visits as I can.

C.

Life, The Universe And Other Mundane Things That Might Or Might Not Equal 42....

With a title like that, expect some rambling :)

As I roam the blogsphere, -nation, -ville, etc, I am always struck by the infinite variety of the way things are said, though not necessarily what is said. In the end, most blogs I have read do boil down to the every days of life. This, of course, is not altogether bad, not by any stretch of the imagination. Indeed, it makes me wonder about my writings from time to time. I see so many good people writing about what is good, bad or indifferent in their lives, and see it so often that I am concerned if I have a life at all. Of course, though I have become more and more ascetic (though not necessarily sedentary... so I suppose I would have been a great traveling monk) toward materialism and culture in general, I still commiserate with humanity from time to time; however, I do think about what I might be missing sometimes. On the other hand, I have done a lot of living in these 34 years, so that is not all bad, but so much is left to be understood and so many places yet to go, and secrets to uncover, so to speak.

When I started this blog, I intended to use it as an archive for my writings and poems, and to consider the deeper questions in life, some philosophical, some political, and some historical, these being areas of training and delight in my life. I probably meant to add less lists and data concerning my life and interests, but those simply evolved thanks to my mood and seeing different memes around the blog. It also gave me something to fill up some empty space. I think that I feel a little disappointed if I am not adding an entry at least every couple of days, unless (like two weeks ago) I am unable to for connection reasons. And yet, I keep hearkening back to what I yearn for, a seeking of understanding greater than this simple shell, and not understanding from a religious or spiritual point of view (though some might call my quest spiritual of a sort), but an understanding of the universe as itself, as we are to it, and as it, and we were meant to be. Philosophical and metaphysical, certainly, but less a desire to know a 'god' but a desire to 'know', so more of a gnosis as opposed to apotheosis. What this also does is fuse many of the things I love into a single understanding: science, science fiction, history, philosophy, and to some extent, theology, all these things combine into seeking the heart of the universe without and within our not so mundane lives as we imagine.

Perhaps some higher understanding of self exists within the mundane acts of everyday. Maybe to seek, one has to live, not just in understanding, but in the world around us. I suppose that has always been my concern with monasticism. Originally, monasteries were created to save civilization, and they did to some extent. Later, they existed to set themselves apart from it, to achieve a higher sense of the divine. Supposedly, it works for them, but I wonder if it cut themselves off from the divine, the higher purpose of self in the ebb and flow of life. They lived outside of life, but maybe failed to understand that to understand the life, one has to simply live it. Or at least live it, and open oneself to understanding it.

So, by reading others and the details of their life, I am experiencing a higher understanding? Truly, I do not know, but while I appreciate the idea of ascetics from time to time, it does lack for experiential learning. I admit, if I had to choose between my travels and what I learned from them, or my book learning, it would be a tough call, but I would choose my travels, for the experiences have made me a better man, far better than simple words on a page, or a lecture in a classroom (and I suppose I should clarify on book learning, let us say outside of high school since up through that point, the basics of learning are indeed important). Of course, the fusion of both has been the better path, so I would rather continue along it. Indeed, I have never been so much at my best when I have been on the road, wherever it has taken me and will take me. I suppose that means I should travel more... perhaps, so long as I am seeking the same understanding of the life, universe, and other mundane things as I apparently have always sought :) Or maybe I should answer '42' and be done with it.

I guess I did not ramble tangential as much as I thought. Funny, when I think I am going to ramble, I often do not, and vice versa.

Enjoy the rest of the weekend, all.

C.

Date Mishap

No, not a mishap on a date, though my commenters would be pleased I have spoken to many lovely girls at this show (as always happens at anime conventions... about 50-55% women, though about half of those under 18, so one must be cautious... of course, having a good conversation is not necessarily age restrictive :)

For some reason, the poem I posted, 'Geographe Bay', should have shown up as being posted tonight, but because I saved it as a draft a couple of days ago, it shows as the 31st and lost behind one of the posts... I found that strange, but it does exist, really...

Hope everyone else's weekend is going well.

C.

A Tomorrow Found

Well a very long weekend is just beginning, to end a rather trying and painful (physically and mentally) week. I had something original planned tonight, but I decided to drag something out from the archives and hope it has not been too corrupted by all that hyperspatial interference :)

What follows is an evolution of older poems into one that I suppose is continuously evolving thanks to the nature of inspiration. Despite the lows of this week, I managed to write two original pieces and am now drastically re-tooling a third. So, the week was not a total loss then. Besides, I have had some fascinating discussions on and off line and I know I am a better person for having participated. Further, I want to thank those involved in said discussions for their comments, blogs and ideas illuminate the necessity of human discourse and its essential beauty. It would take me too long to link them all here, but suffice to say it involves most of the usual suspects who comment and allow me the privilege of joining their discussions, plus a few new faces who have helped create new ideas and made me ponder some deeper questions. Then we have cheap irreverent humour, which involves most of the Aussies :)

What does all this have to do with the following poem? Not much really, other than I am really tired and if I did not say all this now I might forget later... on the other hand, the universe moves in amazing ways and we are all a part of its mystery. So, this week, for all the lows, the universe has seen fit to reveal a little of itself to me through the light of others. Take a bow, y'all deserve it.

'Tomorrows Found'

I searched...
For a realm far removed of self,
Waiting to see once more.
All that I gave,
All that I knew,
Enfolded through memory
Fractured and forgotten,
Scattered amid this crucible
Between space and time.

I agonized...
Beyond instants within the seconds,
Reaching toward worlds disconnected of self.
All that I sought,
All that I understood,
Lost in moments
Prideful and hurtful,
Crushed by the weight
Of such tormented sorrow.

I left...
To find what I already knew,
Wanting to see once more.
All you gave,
All you understood,
In that realm far removed of self,
No longer forgotten,
Revealed by the grandeur
At the heart of space and time.

Now I see...
Tomorrow... as it was meant to be.

C.

Labels

An aside: If I sound a little incoherent, it is because I am doped up on pain meds and antibiotics for a rather painful staph infection. Thankfully, it was caught early, and I just need to rest for a couple of days.

I know that many people have used this feature before, and I did not realise how useful it was until I tried it out. I started with a few posts, then in my drug-induced state, I decided to label all my posts, hence the new sidebar, the HoloIndex. I noticed a not too surprising trend on what items have the most labels as well. Still, it might make it easier if someone (or me) is looking for something in particular.

C.